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1.  take me to the sun

2.  not the one

3.  something has got to you

4.  abundant lack of motivation

vulnerable

listen to this song

 

blinded by faith

protected by luck

vulnerable is not the word

things i do are absurd

i hate to disappoint you

i doubt that things could get much worse

 

i could be wrong

to believe pain makes me strong

if i must pay the consequence

i'll do it when i make more sense

 

clouded by thoughts

that question my fate

innocence has dissipated

cannot say that we've related

i'd love someone to talk to

i trust that there's a time and place

 

i could explain

with a song that's not so vain

if i must pay the consequence

i'll do it when i make more sense

 

i could be wrong

to believe pain makes me strong

     This song was my way of indirectly conceding to my folks that perhaps the path I chose was not as secure as I had pretended it to be.  That, in fact, I was indeed vulnerable; and that I was suffering the pitfalls my parents warned me so much about, as a result of having no structure in my life.

 

     When I told my father I wanted to become a musician, I'm certain he had visions of me being in front of an orchestra, waving a baton.... oops.  Had my parents known I would go straight into the subways upon receiving my degree from Berklee College of Music, they would have thought twice before dumping thousands of dollars towards my education.  You can imagine how hard it was for us to relate back then.

 

     I bought into the "tortured artist" identity that history unfortunately glorifies.  I was naively convinced that if I wasn't 100% "devoted" to my art, nothing would become of me.  Had I not been so arrogant and refused to get "a stupid day job," I probably would have had a more sane existence these past ten years, and not be struggling still with the demons that are so entrenched.

 

Then again, I wouldn't have written this song!  :)

 

     Encoded in the lyrics, knowing I'd be playing this song underground, was my way of saying, "Yeah folks, this one's a downer and a personal one, but I's gots to get it out!"

6.  gotta give it up

7.  it’s not funny

8.  habit

9.  lovely lady

10. can’t go

 

outtakes